Stupidity.

Okay, it stresses me out to not know what I want to do with my life. I honestly have no idea. I don't have a choice about college. I pretty much have to go to JSU because I can't afford to go to Alabama or Freed. and I've only made a 20 on my ACT which gets me NOTHING.

 And don't get me wrong, I'm so very thankful that I can go to college to further my education, I mean in some countries, the average person can't read, much less get a college education. I am so thankful that my family can afford a college at all, but I want to go to Freed or Alabama so bad. I want to open that acceptance letter and move away and live on my own and feel free. But.. I can't. 

 Most people from Piedmont go to JSU and I wanted to be different but can't. I'm really scared about losing connections with people. I really think that scares me more than anything. It's times like this where I wish I were smarter. I really do. I hate being called stupid all the time. It's the worst feeling in the world to think that someone doesn't respect you because of the fact that you aren't as smart as them. 

I pray to God all the time about college and whether or not I'm making the right decision. I want everything to work out for the best. I just pray and hope to God that the decisions I've been making are the right ones.... 

Our God, He is Alive

I had Bible class last night and it inspired me in ways that I haven't been inspired in a long time. We studied Philippians. I've been reading through the New Testament on my own and coincidentally, I'm currently on Philippians. Anyway, when I read it myself, I didn't notice how powerful Philippians really was. Paul was writing to the Christians at Philippi. He states all through chapter one how great of a people they are.

My favorite two verses of the whole chapter are verses 20 and 21 which say, "(20) According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. (21) For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

Those two verses may be the most powerful verses I have ever read. They make me feel so empowered and eager to live as Christ did and as the Christians in Philippi. It makes me want to do so much more. It makes me realize how I take everything for granted and how I haven't given my entire life for Christ. For Paul to be able to say "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you." in verse 3, which in other words is saying that he doesn't regret a single moment with them and that all of his memories with them are good, they had to be some pretty amazing people. I want to strive to live that way. I don't see how in the world it's possible, but with God... I can do anything. So, mark my word... as of today, I WILL strive to be a better Christian and I WILL succeed. :)