A new life

I always feel refreshed after Exposure. But 2011 was such a remarkable year for me. I graduated from high school, worked at a Christian camp that helped me grow more than I ever imagined I could, met Travis, started college, and became the best Christian I have ever been in my entire Christian life. I have met so many remarkable people this past year that have taken out the bad influences in my life and filled them in with good. I honestly believe that I am the most blessed person in the entire world. I don't know why God has blessed me with so much, but I am eternally thankful.

Trust.

Who knew that someone you thought you knew so well could turn into a stranger? Disappointment doesn't even begin to describe my emotion towards this person. I hope to never put myself so far above someone that I intentionally hurt the people I love the absolute most in this world.  And if I do, I want to know immediately so I can fix it. God can get me through anything. That I know for a 100% fact. Today is the day where I begin to trust in him more than I ever have before. 


People make mistakes...and people let you down. That is exactly why God said to lay up your treasures in Heaven, because everything else and everyone else will disappoint you. He, on the other hand, never has and never will. This is absolutely and entirely truer than almost any statement out in the world. 


If you're reading this, please pray that what I just learned is something completely different than what it seems.

Resolutions

Here are the things I want to do better in 2011. Even though each year I have completely and utterly failed at these every time... I am determined to complete every one of them or at least try to.

1. Convert someone to Christ and watch the reaction. Kelvin Teamer changed my life. It's sad for me to say that Christ wasn't enough, but Kelvin Teamer helped me realize that. Wednesday night, 137 people rededicated their lives to Christ and asked for prayers and 30 people were baptized. I want to know what that feels like, to know I changed their life and saved them. 
2. Show my mom and dad how much they really mean to me... I don't do that enough. I really need to work on showing them how much I really and truly love them. 
3. Be more patient. I am so impatient. It is definitely one of my biggest weaknesses. 
4. I need to be a better Christian example to Taylor, my brother. I should be his shoulder to cry on and put him before myself, which I very rarely do.
6. And last, but most certainly not least, become the Christian I've been wanting to become for 6 years. Put God first in my life and realize that I can't do anything on my own. Stand up for what I believe in rather than letting Satan and the world get to me. 

Stupidity.

Okay, it stresses me out to not know what I want to do with my life. I honestly have no idea. I don't have a choice about college. I pretty much have to go to JSU because I can't afford to go to Alabama or Freed. and I've only made a 20 on my ACT which gets me NOTHING.

 And don't get me wrong, I'm so very thankful that I can go to college to further my education, I mean in some countries, the average person can't read, much less get a college education. I am so thankful that my family can afford a college at all, but I want to go to Freed or Alabama so bad. I want to open that acceptance letter and move away and live on my own and feel free. But.. I can't. 

 Most people from Piedmont go to JSU and I wanted to be different but can't. I'm really scared about losing connections with people. I really think that scares me more than anything. It's times like this where I wish I were smarter. I really do. I hate being called stupid all the time. It's the worst feeling in the world to think that someone doesn't respect you because of the fact that you aren't as smart as them. 

I pray to God all the time about college and whether or not I'm making the right decision. I want everything to work out for the best. I just pray and hope to God that the decisions I've been making are the right ones.... 

Our God, He is Alive

I had Bible class last night and it inspired me in ways that I haven't been inspired in a long time. We studied Philippians. I've been reading through the New Testament on my own and coincidentally, I'm currently on Philippians. Anyway, when I read it myself, I didn't notice how powerful Philippians really was. Paul was writing to the Christians at Philippi. He states all through chapter one how great of a people they are.

My favorite two verses of the whole chapter are verses 20 and 21 which say, "(20) According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. (21) For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

Those two verses may be the most powerful verses I have ever read. They make me feel so empowered and eager to live as Christ did and as the Christians in Philippi. It makes me want to do so much more. It makes me realize how I take everything for granted and how I haven't given my entire life for Christ. For Paul to be able to say "I thank my God upon every remembrance of you." in verse 3, which in other words is saying that he doesn't regret a single moment with them and that all of his memories with them are good, they had to be some pretty amazing people. I want to strive to live that way. I don't see how in the world it's possible, but with God... I can do anything. So, mark my word... as of today, I WILL strive to be a better Christian and I WILL succeed. :)

Hope

Somewhere out in the world is the man I'm going to marry. He's walking the Earth right now this very moment. I think that's the coolest thing ever. It gives me the incentive to keep waiting and wishing... I pray every night for him to come along. I know he will. God has a wonderful man for me. I just know it.

 I watched a video. This guy sang the cutest song called "She's more" to her. He held her hands and NEVER took his eyes off of her. It was honestly the most romantic thing I've ever seen in my entire life. THAT is love. I can't wait to have that... It's better than anything I've ever seen in a movie because it's real.. Real-life love. I've decided that I'm not going to settle for any less than what I've dreamed about. I'm going to keep being patient, keep being taunted, and keep wishing for the perfect man to come along. I know he will eventually.

Cue the Happy Ending

You know, there are days where I just don't want to believe in love. I mean it feels like there are never happy endings. Every happy couple ends up breaking up badly and never speaking again. And here I am being 17 and never have been in love. I have no idea what it's like. I'm waiting on the right guy to come along but it hasn't worked out in my favor so far. I hate waiting. Patience isn't a forte of mine. Never has been. The fact that I'm the only person in my class and have never been kissed doesn't make it any easier. Nobody ever lets me forget it either. But you know, maybe it's a blessing in disguise and the man that I kiss and lay my heart out there for will be the man I will marry and be with forever. Speaking of happy endings and marriage.... Here's my list for the perfect man:


1. CHRISTIAN (True, New Testament Christian)
2. Wants to make something of himself.
3. Loves God more than he could ever love me.
4. Sings :)
5. Is outgoing and NOT SHY.
6. Funny 
7. Handsome
8. Good smile
9. Romantic
10. Easy on the ice 
11. Makes me want to strive to become a better person each and everyday.
12. Someone who my parents love.
13. A man who's respectful.
14. Mature
15. Someone who stays the same no matter who he's around. 




When I find this man, I will be the happiest girl on the planet. Now... let's wait and see what happens.